Tick tock

By the time my mom was my age, she was married with two children and in another year would be pregnant again! And I guess I just grew up thinking that was how things were supposed to happen. You meet someone in your early twenties, get married and have babies. At least that's the message that my uterus got, and so she's pretty upset since I'm at least two kids behind in her opinion. 

At Christmas last year I was sitting at the table with my cousin Daphne, who was 7 years old at the time, and she turned to me and asked me when I was going to - then she held her hands out in front of her belly in a big circle, and then held them up like she was rocking a baby. It was cute, and pretty much the only person in the family I would accept that question from. A lot of my friends (particularly the ones in relationships) get that question from their family, it used to be a fairly common topic at the lunch table with my girl friends actually. And as it turns out I'm about the only one whose mother isn't hassling me about kids. She's happy just being a mother rather than a grandmother, happy to hang out with me and go on trips without having to factor in a mini human. Not only is my mom supportive of my lack of children, the rest of my family is on board as well. I never have to answer the "When are you going to meet someone and settle down?" question, or defend my life choices, which have simply led me to 26 sans family.

Don't get me wrong I love children and I absolutely want to have them someday, but I am so thankful that I don't currently have any (that I know of). My life is full of uncertainty, I know that there are so many different paths I could head down from here - and I'm happy trying to figure out which one is right for me. However that sort of personal exploration and inward focus is just not compatible with having a child. So, why do I turn into a green monster when I see a pregnant woman and her partner? I know in my brain I don't want that right now, couldn't handle it right now, but somehow there's nothing I swoon over more than a baby. I guess it's my biological clock reminding me that I just can't escape the tick-tock.